Wow, God has revealed so much joy and truth to me from scripture lately, particularly psalms 106 & 107.
I feel like sometimes God is quiet when I am reading God's word. God teaches me to wait patiently and hungrily for understanding.
I go for a long time, sometimes, without much revelation. I sometimes feel like I am oil and The Word is water. It just washes over me, and I don't absorb anything. I hold it at arm's length and don't know how to allow it to seep in. I want to, but there is something in me that resists. I have to find that thing and identify it. I have to remove it.
God is gracious and speaks regardless of my condition.
However, I am able to receive God's words more readily when I understand my own condition and when my conscience is clear.
Sometimes the thing,
the wedge,
the wall,
the thistle,
the thorn,
the veil,
is stress.
Sometimes it is pride.
Sometimes it is busyness.
Sometimes it is apathy.
Sometimes it is anger.
Sometimes it is envy.
Sometimes it is discontentment.
Sometimes it is impatience.
Whatever it is, I try to search and pray until I discover it.
It is oftentimes that I have to become desperate before my wayward heart will let go of it.
Part of me is relentlessly stubborn. It is usually not even a conscious decision.
When I was younger, my problems were much more obvious.
But now, they are quieter and harder to find.
I pray like David and ask God to reveal any errant ways within me.
I use The Light to eradicate all my darkness.
It is such a learning process. I have a lot of head knowledge, but the trick is getting this head knowledge to seep into my heart and every-day practices.
I should start every day desperate.
I should start every day humbled.
I should start every day starving,
I should start every day at the feet of Jesus, but I do not.
Today, by God's grace, I did.
Because I did, I felt everything at once. Parked in my car, with the rain pounding, I felt the presence of Holy Spirit pour out like an even heavier rain. My soul was drenched and revitalized. I was overwhelmed with joy to the point that I was laughing, and I also felt repentant to the point of tears. I was humbled because I could feel Holy Spirit with every breath. I was in a holy place. I felt starvation because The Word had whet my appetite and reawakened my insatiable God-given hunger for The Word. I felt full at the same time because I was getting the much-needed revelation and sustenance that I had deprived myself of for so long.
Jesus is always what I need.
Jesus is always more than enough.
Jesus is always my deepest desire.
God is gracious and speaks regardless of my condition.
However, I am able to receive God's words more readily when I understand my own condition and when my conscience is clear.
Sometimes the thing,
the wedge,
the wall,
the thistle,
the thorn,
the veil,
is stress.
Sometimes it is pride.
Sometimes it is busyness.
Sometimes it is apathy.
Sometimes it is anger.
Sometimes it is envy.
Sometimes it is discontentment.
Sometimes it is impatience.
Whatever it is, I try to search and pray until I discover it.
It is oftentimes that I have to become desperate before my wayward heart will let go of it.
Part of me is relentlessly stubborn. It is usually not even a conscious decision.
When I was younger, my problems were much more obvious.
But now, they are quieter and harder to find.
I pray like David and ask God to reveal any errant ways within me.
I use The Light to eradicate all my darkness.
It is such a learning process. I have a lot of head knowledge, but the trick is getting this head knowledge to seep into my heart and every-day practices.
I should start every day desperate.
I should start every day humbled.
I should start every day starving,
I should start every day at the feet of Jesus, but I do not.
Today, by God's grace, I did.
Because I did, I felt everything at once. Parked in my car, with the rain pounding, I felt the presence of Holy Spirit pour out like an even heavier rain. My soul was drenched and revitalized. I was overwhelmed with joy to the point that I was laughing, and I also felt repentant to the point of tears. I was humbled because I could feel Holy Spirit with every breath. I was in a holy place. I felt starvation because The Word had whet my appetite and reawakened my insatiable God-given hunger for The Word. I felt full at the same time because I was getting the much-needed revelation and sustenance that I had deprived myself of for so long.
Jesus is always what I need.
Jesus is always more than enough.
Jesus is always my deepest desire.
Then they cried to The Lord in their trouble, and God saved them from their distress.
God brought them out of darkness, utter darkness, and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to The Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind, for He breaks down the bars of bronze and cuts through bars of iron....
He sent out His Word and healed them; He rescued them from the grave.
[Psalm 107:13-16 & 20]
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